Smoking after 3 years is quite an achievement for those who have a resolution not to smoke for a week or so. I just forgot about smoking after that and didnt feel like inhaling the tobbaco smoke afterwards. (dont know the auspicious date). Ok,lets not get in to why I started again. Thats a stupid story which id share when im 65 years old and a famous someone.It was nice having a ciggerette between my fingers once again.
One day I gotta call from my cousin, My grandpa was seriously ill. She said he is counting his days of his life now. SO I decided to go and see him. Booked return tickets and left. I had never smoked in a train and didnt even think about any problems till I found my berth and train started moving. After having a heavy lunch (sandwich and Aquafina) I thought ill go to the door and smoke. I saw a No smoking sign every 20 cms near the wasbasin. 'Arre yeh toh panga ho jayega' I thought. So I went to the nearby compartments to check if the TT was nearby. While crossing the compartment I saw people having lunch and some running around after their children with fingerfull of rice or roti to feed their gymnast children. They looked at me as if I was crossing by to inspect if their children had their food already. Or may be they where just thinking if this guy is just roaming around the train and couldnt sit in a place quietly. Ok. I crossed one compartment, one more to go to reach the pantry. I saw two cops sitting on the bench. One of the had a thick moustache that even scared the fly buzzing round his scary face. Other one was sleeping as if he was on honeymoon trip.(he had his uniform on. (Pls no unparliamentry thoughts!!). So this muchadd cop looks at me. I automatically stopped and wanted to run back. He asked me what do want. How did he know that I wanted to jump of the train as he was looking at me suspiciously. 'Do I look Osama Bin Ladens grandson?' I was thinking for half a second. I quickly said 'Lunch' 'no sapaad' 'pasi' and a fullstop. He politely said 'stright ponge. Next compartment pantry irrukke'. if I had stayed there he would have even escorted me there. 'Romba Nanri' and I walked cluelessly.
Reached the pantry, bought a Hide n seek busicuit. By this time I so wanted to smoke so badly as if inhaling tobbacco was some kinda oxygen to me. 'Kaise karu'. Ok I was walking back to my berth saw both the cops (honeymoon cop and the muchad cop). No they werent gays. They were just tired of waiting for their station. I smiled at the muchad and thank God he didnt ask me anything about my lunch trip to pantry. And by the time I crossed the compartments the kids settled down, mommys playing with their settled kids or talking to their neighbours or already bored husbands.( seemed like a family mega serial).
Ahh finally reached my compartment. threw the buiscuit on my bag. Came back to my door. Saw here and there. I was sure that cops wouldnt come this side now and TT didnt even exist. He just vanished.
'Now , time for Action, THE MUCH AWAITED SMOKE TIME, YEAH SMOKE EM GO AHEAD.' The corrupted angel in me were shouting out loud. I took out a Goldflake kings lit it with an almost broken lighter and started puffing. I didnt want to miss it so I did all these beautiful moments in front of the washbasin mirror. I moved towards the already opened door. The smoking part of my body was peeping outside the door. I was cautious not to let any smoke inside the train. Was enjoying it.
In hindi there is a saying that 'Jab kismat kharab ho toh, unth par baithe hue boune ko bhi kutta kaat jaat hai'. which means if you are going through a bad time in then even the dwarf sitting on top of camel can also be bitten by a dog. Dont ask me how. I suddenly heard someone saying 'ulle vange'. The voice recognition system in me recognised the voice of the muchad cop. I said 'phas gaye beta'. I saw both the cop couple standing in front of me. 'Werent they taking rest and waiting for their station'. I threw my half smoked ciggarrette and went to them. They took the whole Goldflake pack from me and even the crippled lighter. the honeymoon cop said to the muchad that he is going to call the TT and also took my Ticket with him. Now it is the muchad and me. me and the muchad. He was a polite guy with just a horror show looks. For 5 minutes he started preaching me about health affects due to smoking, and how the train could catch fire and how people could die. How much loos would the Railway ministry could incurr with the fire. and i dont know what all. He was speaking in Tamil. He used some english words so I could figure out what he was speaking and also that I have to pay 200 /- fine and a letter to someone that I wont smoke again. He asked me what I was doing.
Thought process in my mind started-"If I say I was working then he would ask for more money. If I say I was a student may be he will scrutiny me less". I said studying IT, in chennai, loyola college, going home for holidays and a half smile. Muchad said ' Ok u just pay 100 Rs. and write that love letter to the authority. I quickly agreed. I even took out the money. By then that bastard honeymoon cop came with the TT. They both looked at me as if I peed on them. This muchad cop then took them to the other side and spoke to them. I didnt even look at them. I was concerned about my pack of ciggarets and ticket and also the lighter. Quickly I was haned over a blank paper and was dictated in some broken english that I wont smoke again and Iam sorry. I wrote exactly what he said. Even the fullstop. I felt bad about writing such a pathetic letter, thinking that I have destroyed the reputation of IT students in chennai. All for 100 bucks and a goldflake kings ciggarete. FOrgive me Loyola.
ANd 100/-. Sorry Sir. They all left. Muchad gave my my ciggy pack, lighter and ticket. He was my superhero then.
After all this I was still thinking where I could smoke. I somehow wanted to smoke one full cigarrete. I stood there for another 15 minutes. went inside drank some water. I wanted to throw away the buiscuit pack that i bought unnecesarily. well kept quiet. And by now I decided that by hook or crook Ill smoke even if i have to go to jail for 6 months. This time I went to the other side of the compartment. We reached Salem station by then. I got down. Suddenly I saw these cops getting down from the other door. I quickly climbed back. And saw them dissappearing on the station. Train started moving within in 2 mins. I quietly took out another ciggy. put it between my lips and was thinking if I should do it this time. Should I should I not. Suddenly someone put his hands on my left shoulder. And before I could turn to see him, I had already visualised me behind bars, working in a mine as a prisoner, my parents coming to see me and all. I looked at him. This man also had a ciggy with him and was asking me if i had a match.
I smiled my precious smile then. (this man mustve been thinking, whats wrong with this guy. Does he even have a match or just posing with a cigg in his mouth). I quickly lit the lighter and both of us lit our ciggarettes and I FINISHED MY CIGARRETE then. Cool. Awesome. I was feeling so great that I was feeling 'Budhu banaya muchad ooooooooo'. But it was then again I was thinking 'Arent we supposed to smoke near the doors'. 'Do they really put u in jail just for smoking and by not burning the train'.'There should be a smoking zone in the trains'. Whatever I hope Health Minister Mr. Ramadoss and the Railway Minister Mr. Lalu Yadav dont read this blog. Then Ill really end up in Tihar Jail.
But it was quiet an achievement which cost me a pathetic letter and 100Rs, and stupid mental trauma.
Note for Smokers: Dont try this on trains. You might really end up in jail. Enjoy!!
